14 years ago...

14 Years ago was the best day, happiest moment in my entire life. I was scared out of my bones but was happy at the same time. Of course, I was showing off my grills the whole time hahaha! It was a moment that all worries were left aside and for once I felt at ease. Not mattering anything but the presence that I was holding. I know many of us would say of course it was a happy moment; it would be with anyone in the same position. And I do agree but I like to see mines as a very special moment. Because I was younger than most of my friends when they had children, and because where I was in life, was turning into an impact that would have probably affected a lot of the people I love. But when God does his wonders, he really does them. 14 years ago, approximately at 6:30 AM on a Sunday morning, of what I remember it was a nice day outside, being summer too. I was giving birth to a baby, not knowing the gender but I was sure of what to name my baby. It wasn’t a long birth, maybe 15-20 minutes. My mom and sister, the people whom I love were there (and the doctor and nurses of course). I remember people asking me the gender and I had decided to keep it hidden even from myself. I sorta kind of had a gut feeling of what gender my baby was but never told anyone. I had a name picked out and was very sure that was going to be the name. I didn’t care who criticized it because hey I was still a teen and I would have kicked their ass, with belly and all hahaha!

Until my baby Amanda was born. Yep, I knew it was a girl and her name picked out by me was given to her. The doctor holder her up and said, Congratulations you have a beautiful babygirl. With needles on me (IV) and probably in pain, I was smiling, my doctor smiled back at me. I remember the nurses put her in a small crib/bed like and cleaned her off. She was wide awake the entire time, she even sucked her pinky, and everyone stood silent looking at her. I guess Amanda, being born a second ago, noticed because she stopped and just stared at something in the air… In other words, telling us “there’s nothing wrong with sucking my picky”. J And there wasn’t until she grabs a white cord near her crib, as nurses were with her. That’s right, you read right, being wide awake, sucking her pinky then playing with a white cord pulling it towards her. It was a “WOWZERS” moment for us all in the room. I mean she was just born how she starts going about playing. I was so happy that my face hurt from smiling, I held her and she looked at me and went to sleep.

(tears of joy as I write this, excuse me.)

Ok, so she went to sleep on my arms. My sister went to sleep to but not in my arms, hahaha! My mom was there looking at Amanda and smiling. Ok so this was 14 years ago and I still get teary when I think about that day that God gave me the best gift ever that I could have. I mean, what else I can ask for other than having Faith in Him to lead her the right way and look over her. Right now I’m not even 30 yet, and I have a teen that’s 14 years old today. Yes, today the 29^th of June. We have reached so much and I am happy to say that Amanda is a smart girl. From a very young age she always wanted to know more…more…and more. Remember those “why” questions well I started getting them when she was 1 years old. Even when the lights change she would tell me, why it changed. Then “Goooo” because the light changed for us to cross.

Amanda, around 10 months she calls my sister. Everyone is wide eyes open. Who she calls, my sister, Why? Because that’s the name she keeps hearing a lot. What other beautiful name could she have said. J Then started walking, by 1 she was already pulling on my leg because she wanted more milk. Now this little midget was too cute for words. Very small and walking around the house like she owned the place. Hahaha! By 2 years old she had her ABC’s, colors and shapes and a few written words integrated in her brain. I started playing “teacher and student”, we had a desk and a wall. White paper on the wall as a black board (too young for the dust of those blackboards) and markers for her to see the difference when she had a wrong answer. She had tests and lunch time, just like school. Lunch was given by the lunch lady who was grandma at this point. Amanda, sitting at her desk, paper ready to start doing her math (yes math at almost 3), with her pencil. Fridays was test day. She would have to practice on her desk and at exactly 10AM her test began. At first she would take her time to do it then it was time limited. I was to grade her while she went to lunch. Her test paper was put facedown on her desk so when she came in she would be quietly in her chair, to wait for her teacher…me, the mommy J. Of course, she would pass her test, but if she has one little mistake, her eyes would get watery and BAM!!! That’s when I knew (after a few watery eyes) this child doesn’t like to be wrong. I kept telling her it’s ok because there are more tests and we don’t have to know everything but she insisted to retake the test. A 3 year old now, and asking me to retake a test. WOW!! So when she did and got a perfect score she would have the rest of the day off from school and played all day. Every day we played “teacher and student” and every 3^rd day was a different subject because she has enough time to learn materials. This kept on going and she because smarter, baby Amanda was getting smart and by the time she started Pre-K, she was very well advanced for her age. She had to be included with some 4 years old who didn’t know what she knew. I was told she was born a leader because she is the first one up to help and guide the students. My baby, a leader, making mom and lunch lady aka Grandma very proud!!! Into first grade, same thing, a leader. Always good grades, well behavior and eager for more info into her brain. Time passed and I always got good news from her teachers. Some of them were my teacher when I was younger, so I was at ease when heading to my school and leaving hers at her own school.

Now, from 6^th to 8^th grade was the best for me. It was like a turn around for her. I have noticed her eagerness grow even more and being acknowledge for it made it even better. First year (6^th) in a new school she became Honor Roll student, every report card time, she was in it. Teachers were great, made her feel that she can do anything as long as she put effort into it. Happy to say that now I have a 14 year old. I have teen that in less than 2 months will be in high school. Not scared but eager to see what the new rode has for her, for us. What new ability will she bring home, what news will she accomplish as a growing teen. She’s 14 and getting here means a lot to me. From family, to great friends to great not so good friends, I want to thank you all for having an impact in my life. Whether is good or bad, you molded me to become this person who I am happy to be and that I am alive to take care of my child. A child who gives me the energy to get up and work for her because she deserves that and more.  I don’t feel old but I do feel entering another level of “over protection-FBI status-bf drama-bigger bills” type of upgrade. I mean, what mom doesn’t love their kid that will not be the child’s FBI agent…Like I tell my daughter…”I am over protective because I love you, because I care for you and if a mom doesn’t care then all things will be different, wanna try the difference?” and of course she says no and we live happily ever after.

Well, not actually because she’s still growing and I’m into my files to see who-what-where-why and the how’s in her life. Right now I’m enjoying our time, our growth. Because this comes once in a life time, you’ll always be my baby. Whether your 80 and I’m right around the corner with my cane, I will always love you and you’ll always be my baby, protecting you, caring for you. Remember, a mother’s love never ends, not even if bad things are said or their child becomes a criminal, A mother’s love is always there.

Oh, and no your not becoming a criminal, is an expression so keep up with the good work and get farther in life.

Happy birthday Amanda!!! It’s your day to Live, Laugh, Love with Faith. God Bless You!!! Remember that no matter what happens tomorrow, I will be here for you, taking care of you and loving you!!

XOXOX, Your mom.

Fish or Shark...?

..He said, he can better. The question is can HE do better for HIMSELF to get someone better than me? The future will have the answer until then girl, work your ass off!!!

Ladies, (men too of course)...our heart is one special organ that we need to take care of. Not just health wise but also by the emotions we go through and will go. We gotta go smart about it too. I mean we all have or will soon have that special LOVE that will make us cry like there was no tomorrow. But one thing I can assure you is that, that love that made you cry will soon become a strength in you that you won't let a person take advantage.
You'll know the difference from when the other person is just into games. I have meet a quite few handsome guys in my life and the downfall in some of these men was that they couldn't keep it real. That's one thing, we need to be. Real. If all they want is s*x then let them say it. Nothing wrong in saying it, accepting it, thats on you.
I know, in teens is harder when it comes to that LOVE they have, I been there and probably all those adults some of you don't get along with, have gone through it too. Just that some adults don't remember the "feeling(s)". That's one thing, teens think that adults don't understand them but we do. Just that some don't REMEMBER those exact feelings your going through. Being that we been there done that, it makes it surely easy and with an assurance to say that "you will get over it". No matter where the road takes you, you will remember but look forward. Just remember that there is a tomorrow and there's more fishes in the sea. Some of them will seem better than others but you, as you grow will know the type of person you will like to love.
Some say, that we can't control whom we love? and I wonder why is that. Since alot of people don't like to be told what to do or like to be in charge...then why not be in charge of who you fall in love with? it is YOUR emotion, your heart. Don't you have a say in whom you want to spend your life with? Since some saying all you need is love...what about assurance, what about trust, or communication. I mean sure love is in the list but we also need to be sure of the other person. Your not gonna tell me your in love with someone who just can't seem to stay in one job becuase he doesn't like to be told what to do. Ummmmm, yea its called Go get a higher degree for a better position then. Unless they dealing drugs i don't know the ranks in that. Then theres we can't control our emotions...? Really...Your telling me I have total control of who ever is reading this and turn their moment upside dowm? If you answer yes, your right. I can say or probably have said a few things and not be in that persons good list. But then again, should I care and just keep writing? I mean this is MY blog, my opinion. As you have, I also have an opinion. But ok lets get back to track.

There are times when I hear that you can't control who you love but I also wonder, why can't we. If I can walk away from a stranger calling me names, or some pervert in the train...or even stop myself from having a fling with a guy who ain't worth it, then why can't I control my Love part?
For me, personally, the first love is a big one. No control. Yep, no control. BUT afte that I believe we do have some control in that. Because we do have priorities, we don't fall in love with a married man. Now if you say, why is not you planned it, then your wrong. How did you fall in love with a married man...you must have spent time with him to get to know him. Why would you in the first place if he is already taken? So in that situation you can definately control yourself and keep walking.

Fishes are many, some are tangled in their own wines of their own homes, while others roam around finding other fishes or ducking from sharks...those are the bigger types of fishes that know what they want and probably would have the balls to tell you, its simply pleasure no emotions included and have a steady way of living life that when it comes down to love, settle down, they are man enough to accept they love you too.. Now those, if your lucky grab one and study them. He's single then don't let go because some other fish out there will.

Love is so beautiful and if you look closely you can hear it. Just be patient when meeting someone, it doesn't work out, move on to other fishes. Just be clean about it and hold your head up high no matter what. Until then, see you next time.

xoxoxo